Instant Message to love
by blubachat2
Summary: A friendship formed online. Can it continue in real life? Can it become more? Let's wait and see.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** **I have no rights on JAG, characters and story. Everything recognisable belongs to CBS, PARAMOUNT and Donald P. Bellisarius, who created a wonderful show. Just love was his problem but that is what fanfic is for.**

**Thanks to Cassandra30 for betareading the first two chapters and to VisualIdentificationZeta for taking over the betareading job after Chapter 2. **

**Author's note: #1: I wrote a similar fanfic (HARRY POTTER) in German under my other penname Eowyn-Faith called "Post Scriptum". That's where I got the idea. And Norah Ephron made a movie about the story-line, "You've Got Mail".**

**#2: I like the character LOREN SINGER. We don't know anything about her. She can be anything we want her to be. I think she was kind of invented for us, for fanfic-writers, to have someone to use our whole imagination to create a past and a life.**

**Instant Message to Love**

**Chapter 1**

Loren Singer was thankful when her day had finally ended and she closed her apartment door behind her.

Another day gone.

Now she only wanted to sit in front of her laptop, drinking a glass of wine and chatting via instant message with her 'new friend' Vie12-25. She had met him in an online chatroom nearly two months earlier. That was the start of a comfortable friendship that stayed online.

All day she looked forward to chatting in the evening.

As she got comfortable in front of her laptop she rememered her sister's words from today. Loren had told her over the phone about her 'new friend' and Annie had warned her that he could be a psychopath or a married guy, a woman, her boss. She should be careful what she told him.

Yes, Loren didn't know who it was or even if he was male. She had just assumed that she was chatting with a man. They hadn't talked about personal things, not really. Sure she had told him that she loved Jazz, afterall her screenname was JAZZFAN, and he had told her that 12-25 was an important date in his life.

After she logged into the internet an instant message appeared.

"He is early.", she muttered to herself.

JAZZFAN: Hi Vie, what's up?

VIE12-25: The same old story.

VIE12-25: Do you ever think about the famous what if?

JAZZFAN: Why?

VIE12-25: I've always thought that the one thing I would regret more than anything else in life is to reach the old age of, say, eighty, look back in my life and think 'what if'? What if I'd done something differently, what if I'd followed my heart? What if I'd ended this love affair, or that love affair?

Loren leaned back, pondering his words.

JAZZFAN: We can't dwell in the past.

VIE12-25: Tell me. What if you could go back in time, what would you change? What do you regret the most?

Loren thought about her life, her past. Her father had been in Vietnam. To think about it, nearly everyone in her generation had a father, an uncle, a grandfather who had been in Vietnam.

She looked at the screen, thoughtful, biting her lip, a nervous habit. What should she answer? He had asked what she regretted most. She wasn't sure.

She regretted a lot of things. Leaving her fiancé standing in front of the altar on her wedding-day was something she regretted. No. Maybe not. She had decided to cancel the wedding at the last minute. Loren hadn't loved Derek with heart and soul. She couldn't lie anymore. She couldn't marry someone she didn't love. No. She didn't regret leaving him. But she regretted hurting him.


	2. Chapter 2

**For disclaimer and other stuff, see part 1.**

**Chapter 2**

Yesterday they had talked for hours. It had been after midnight when they had finally said goodnight.

Now she craved a good strong cup of coffee. She wouldn't be able to keep herself awake without what the others called a "Marine Coffee". A cup of coffee with more spoons of instant coffee then needed for a whole pot. The Colonel cooked such brew and right now it was what she really needed. As she walked into the kitchen, Mac was already there brewing a pot.

"Thank God.", she murmured.

"Lieutenant?" Mac looked at Loren.

"The coffee." Loren gestured towards the cup Mac was holding.

"Long night?"

"A new case." Loren told her as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

She couldn't very well tell that her she had met someone online and had been chatting until nearly two in the morning. She had enjoyed talking to her new friend. Some days she felt all alone in Washington. Her family lived in North Carolina. She missed them. All of them.

Her homelife hadn't been easy, working her way through high-school, getting a scholarship for college and then leaving everything behind. And Derek.

She hadn't a lot of friends. And now she had Vie12-25. She longed for it to be evening again so she could talk to him again. Maybe she could write him an e-mail. After all she had his e-mail address.

Loren took her coffee cup back to her office already intending to get a refill as soon as she had finished her cup.

As she sat down at her desk and stared at her laptop she thought about her online friend.

Who could it be? She imagined a man. Maybe her age. She hoped that he was her age. She couldn't very well chat with a teenager. But maybe she was already doing it. It was the one thing about the internet that had her always worrying. You don't know who you are really meeting online, you don't know for sure anything about the person until you met him or her.

But she wouldn't met him. NO! It would only destroy the illusion she had about her friend.

She imagined a man, her age, well-built with a six-pack, dark hair, blue eyes. Yes. The man of her dreams sounded a lot like one of her coworkers by the name Harmon Rabb Junior.

Loren had a crush on him. Still had. Right now she was dreaming. Daydreaming. She didn't hear anything. Just enjoying the moment and her dream.

"Lieutenant?"

Someone had entered her office. Suprised and shocked that he had found her daydreaming instead of working, Loren looked up at the object of her affection. Her secret fantasy. Yes, dreaming about Commander Rabb was allowed. She could love him in secret but never tell him. They were in the same chain of command. Sure, both were senior officers but still... While thinking she hadn't listened to a word he had been saying.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Sorry Sir. I. .I" Loren searched for the right words.

"I told you, that we have a case together. Lieutenant Roberts has the measles."

"A case?"

"In Camp Lejeune."

Camp Lejeune?! That was in North Carolina. Home. A place she had never wanted to return to. Loren sighed.

"Lieutenant?" Harm looked at her concerned. She seemed moody and distant. Something must be bothering her.

"Sorry Sir. I had a long night. I just get a refill and then I will look through the case-files, getting prepared." She answered.

Harm nodded and watched her retreating form. Loren Singer was a mysterious woman. A puzzle. One he intended to solve.

**Thanks for their reviews to VisualIDentificationZeta, MichelleUK, starryeyes10 and camile.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: ****VisualIDentificationZeta wrote in the review that Harmon Rabb ****S****r****.**** went down on the 24 December 1969, not 25th. I only remember that it ****was ****on Christmas 1969****, so**** I****'****m going to stick with the 25****th****.**

**And thank you VisualIDentificationZeta for taking over the betareading-job.**

**Chapter 3**

_She could hear them behind her__, __whisper__ing__ and giggling. It was quite annoying, as always. She was about to turn and tell them to shut the hell up when the teacher finally dismissed the class for __the __day._

_Loren was heading out the door when the quarterback and his lovely little girlfriend, the highschool sweethearts or the couple from hell as she called them in secret, were heading out at the same time. He bumped into her, causing her to drop her books._

_She groaned, leaning down to pick them up._

"_Sorry, let me help you," he said and kneeled down next to her._

"_Derek!" Sally called. "I'm sure Loren can help herself. She do__es__n't need us. We've got to go."_

"_You go on without me. I__'ll__ catch up with you later," he said. _

"_Why are you helping me?" Loren asked him, standing up__ and__ glaring at him._

_He shrugged. "Just because."_

"_What, you felt like being nice for __a change__?" she __said__ mockingly, moving past him to continue walking._

_He followed her._

_She turned to look at him. 'Don't you have somewhere to be? A girlfriend to entertain? A match to play? Show off to your friends?"_

"_Why are you so bitter?" he asked, stepping in front of her, stopping her from walking away._

"_I'm not. Now move," she said._

_But he was blocking her way._

"_Please move," she sighed. _

She always woke up at this point in her dream. Always drenched in sweat. It had been a daily occurance. No one had liked her, she had been an outcast at school and at home.

Back then she had promised herself to stop caring. Never let anyone get close to her for it would only hurt her. Until Derek.

Loren hadn't had the dream since leaving North Carolina. She had thought she had left her past behind, but working on the case together with Harm had brought back memories. Old, long forgotten memories. Especially when he had told her that they would have to go to North Carolina on Monday.

She knew that she couldn't go back to sleep so she got up, sighing. It was 5 in the morning, thank god it was Saturday and she wouldn't have to be at JAG today. Maybe she had a chance to catch her friend online.

Vie12-25 was online. Thank god for small miracles. She needed a friend right now, someone to help get her mind off the dream.

JAZZFAN: Hi, you!

VIE12-25: Still awake?

JAZZFAN: I couldn't sleep.

VIE12-25: Nightmare?

JAZZFAN: Kind of.

VIE12-25: You want to talk about it?

Loren shook her head, then remembered that he couldn't see her. She had to write out an answer.

JAZZFAN: No.

VIE12-25: You sure? Talking about it could help you.

Talking? She was done with talking. Back in her childhood no one had listened to her and now someone wanted to hear what she had to say? No. Never.

JAZZFAN: Tell me something. Anything.

VIE12-25: About?

JAZZFAN: I don't care.

Loren needed to get her mind of her dream and she needed to forget the plans for Monday. Monday would come soon enough.

VIE12-25: Explain to me your nickname.

JAZZFAN: There is nothing to explain, it's self-explanatory.

God, was this guy stupid? Jazzfan? What was there to explain?

Maybe she should put a stop to this "friendship".

Yes, having an online-friend wasn't something she needed. Loren needed real friends. People who would hug her, who would go to the movies with her, talk to her for long hours on the phone.

People who were there when she needed them most.

Friends! Friendship. That was something she had never really known. Her childhood and her teenage-years hadn't been filled with friends. She had been the school-freak. Someone who had struggled to find her place in the world, someone who had wanted a home, a real one, with a loving and caring family.

That had been the reason she had accepted Derek's proposal. He was a friend, the first one she had had in her life and not the first one she had hurt. Loren knew everything to have gone wrong in her life was partly her fault.

Her life had been filled with tears and pain since the day she had been born. Loren had hurt all the important people in her life. The first being her parents. They had wanted a little boy, but she was a girl. After three girls her parents had longed for a little boy, one to carry on the family name and the tradition in joining the Force. That she would do both, carry on the family name and join the military, didn't count for her parents. Another girl, meaning her, was a failure.

And now being friends only with someone she had met over the internet wasn't something she should be proud of, but VIE12-25 was her first friend in years. He or she was the first one to listen to her. OK, she hadn't told him the story of her life, only started to reveal bits and pieces about the person behind the nickname, but Loren felt as if she could trust him with her life.

Yet, maybe she shouldn't have this kind of friendship, not with a complete stranger. He or she could be anyone – a freak, a criminal, hell, even her boss.

What a thought! Her online-friend being Admiral Chegwidden. Never!

She should stop thinking about her friend, she should try to analyze who he was, what he was. Loren knew she should accept the here and now, the moment where she had a friend who didn't judge her, one who seemed to accept her.

Sighing, Loren focused on the screen again. She had been so lost in thought that she hadn't realized VIE12-25 had already typed a couple of lines.

VIE12-25: I know it's self-explanatory. I imagine you love Jazz. Let me guess, Louis Armstrong? Or Norah Jones?

And somewhere on the other side of the city a man sat at home, staring intently at his laptop, waiting for his online-friend to answer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Loren and her friend Vie12-25 had chatted for a while about Jazz, it seemed they shared the passion for the same kind of music.

It was getting late or early, depending on your point of view. It was namely almost 8 in the morning. They had chatted for three hours straight. It was not unusual for them to lose track of time while talking.

JAZZFAN: I always forget the time when talking to you. It's already morning.

VIE12-25: And, did talking to me help chase away your nightmares?

Loren nodded and again he couldn't see her.

He was only her online friend. Sometimes she longed for him to be real. Sometimes she wanted him to take her into his arms and tell her that everything was going to be alright.

But being online, chatting with him helped. It was the only kind of friendship she had and Loren cherished every moment she spent online talking to him.

VIE12-25: Try to get some sleep.

JAZZFAN: You mean, this is goodbye?

VIE12-25: Only for now. We'll see each other again, soon. But you should try to get some sleep. Maybe only a couple of hours, take a nap.

JAZZZFAN: OK.

VIE12-25: Sleep tight.

JAZZFAN: Bye.

As she later laid in her bed, trying to get some sleep, if only for one or two hours, she began thinking about her friend.

Who could he be? What could his screen name mean? Maybe his name? Victor? Or the place he lived? Vienna? And the numbers 12 and 25 could be his or her birthday.

Loren wasn't sure, but she would never ask. She didn't want to know who he or she was, afraid of destroying the friendship they had formed. After all, online-life was all about anonymity.

She would never ever tell Vie12-25 that she was a Lieutenant in the United States Navy.

What would he think of her? Maybe the opinion he had about her would change. Maybe after discovering she loved Jazz he imagined his online-friend being an actress or an artist. Someone full of fun and not a strict soldier. Not that she was. She wasn't strict, not outside of her job. The Loren Singer she allowed herself to be when she closed her apartment door behind her on her way to work was as different as the real one was.

Sometimes when she couldn't sleep and Vie12-25 wasn't online she got out a photo album. It was filled with reminders of her past. Photos of her sisters Annie, Natalie and Mary, her parents and her ex-fiance.

Her life in Camp Lejeune, where she'd grown up was something she had hoped she could leave behind. But on Monday she had to return to the place she should call home. It had never felt like home, though.

Why did Bud Roberts had to get the measles? If he hadn't she wouldn't have to go to North Carolina together with Harm.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

When they arrived at Camp Lejeune on Monday Loren knew she should feel like coming home, but there was no such feeling.

Yes, she had grown up here, but it wasn't home, it never had been.

She had been silent during their trip, something Harm believed was from the lack of sleep. He had observed her closely over the last couple of days and the dark circles under her eyes and the increased consumation of black coffee hadn't escaped his notice. Harm had tried twice to get her to drink less coffee, so she could get at least some rest.

His machinations had worked and she slept for an hour.

This was what bothered him the most. Not that she had fallen asleep, but her dream. Loren slept restlessly, murmuring words Harm couldn't understand. For the first time since he'd met the Ice-Queen, as she was called behind her back, he had realized it was only a mask and that behind her mask she was a vulnerable young woman. Harm made a promise to himself to keep an eye on Loren.

Maybe it was lover's grief?

--

DAYS LATER

"Everything alright Lieutenant?" Harm asked concerned.

Loren nodded.

She hadn't been able to talk to VIE12-25 the last two days and she missed their conversations. She would never have believed she could be this dependent on an online-friendship. But VIE12-25 held a place in her heart now. Not that she was in love with someone she had never met in real life, that was impossible. You can't fall in love with someone you've never met. Or maybe you can?

"You should try to get some sleep at night. You look like you haven't slept except for the hour in the car."

"Later," she brushed him off.

They had work to do, a witness to interview and a young Marine to talk to. Harm had already decided Loren would interview the witness while he talked to the Marine.

While he sat in the interview room waiting for the young Marine Harm had a bit time to think about the enigma that was Loren Singer.

What did they knew about her? Nothing? Something about her family? If she had any siblings? She never told them.

He didn't know neither her birthday nor the place she had been born.

It was as if she had no life outside of JAG and hadn't existed before she'd joined them.

In the evening, Loren, who had avoided Harm for the most part of the day, stood at the window of her room, gazing at the stars. Back when she had been a teenager she had stood at her window, gazing at the stars too. Back then she had wished for a Prince Charming who would take her away from her life, but he'd never come.

Derek had definitely not been her Prince Charming either. She had thought that they would leave North Carolina and move to a big city together, maybe New York or Los Angeles, but he had wanted to stay here.

Part of the reason why she had accepted his proposal had been she had hoped they could leave town. She had never ever really loved him, only loved the idea of someone being interested in her.

The dancing lights of the stars were so beautiful; they made her feel disconnected from the world, her problems, everything.

At that moment she felt alone, all alone in this world. It felt like she had no one. Part of it was true. The Loren Singer everyone knew was a lie, she wasn't the cold and distant Navy Lieutenant she seemed to be.

She closed her eyes, trying to prevent tears of frustration from spilling over. At least there was no-one to witness her breakdown, the only blessing. When she was alone she had no facades to put up, nor false impressions to make. She could just be herself and allow herself to feel and grieve for a bit. There was no need to be the model employee. No need to be perfect.

"Mind if I come in?"

Loren snapped out of her reverie.

She was startled to see Harm standing in the doorway, she'd been so deep in thought that she hadn't even heard him knock or the door open. Had she even closed the door tonight? No, it had been ajar, it must have been. Harm wouldn't have entered the room of a female officer without an invitation.

Loren stared at him for a moment before she found the presence of mind to say, "Uh, sure. Come on in."

"Thanks."

Harm slipped into the room, and closed the door softly behind him.

He walked up to Loren, who was still standing in front of the window, and drew to a halt by her side. Loren watched him with a wide-eyed gaze, and said nothing.

Harm could see her eyes were brimming with unshed tears. His brows drew together. For one of the first times in his life, Harmon Rabb junior had no idea what to do.

"Lieutenant, . . Loren, what's wrong? Tell me."

"NO! Why do you even care? No one does! Never had and never would. Everyone would be happy if I was gone." she spat out.

She had finally snapped. The memories of her past and the sleepless nights were too much to handle. It had only been a matter of time before Loren would have had snapped and now Harm was there to witness her outburst.

Harm looked at her taken aback. She had never talked to him like this. It was conduct unbecoming. He should remind her that he was the senior officer and that she should apologize for her outburst, but instead he remained calm. Maybe he should let her rant and rave, maybe she should take her frustration out on him.

Something was bothering her and if talking to him like this helped, then so be it. He would just let her scream at him.

"Loren, I care." Harm simply said.

Loren was surprised to hear him say a thing like that. She blinked twice, waiting to wake up from this dream, but she the wake-up never came. It was real. Loren sighed. At least she could tell him, make him understand, she had already let her walls down. Why not let him in? Why not try to make him understand?

"Have you ever felt like no-one cares and it's just you against the world?"

Harm nodded.

"I feel like this most of the time! I have no-one who understands who I am! No one understands my feelings. It's always the same. No one cares for me or my feelings. They call me the Ice Queen, Lieutenant Witch, Bulldog. Yes, I have heard the names they call me behind my back. Do you think those words don't hurt me? It's not nice to have people call you names behind your back. I could deal with them calling me that to my face, it's what I'm used to. Tell me, why does everyone hate me? Why isn't there a single person in my life who accepts me for who I am?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

As suddenly as her outburst had started it was over again.

Shocked and ashamed Loren looked at Harm. What had she done? He was her fellow officer. She knew that her career may very well be over.

"I'm sorry."

Had she heard him right? Had _he _apologized to _her _after _she__'d_blown up on _him_and meant it? Loren must have been hearing things. Blinking, she found her voice again. "I... I don't know what to say to that."

"I'm sorry you got hurt, but you have to understand it's not easy to like you. You act like it's you against the world and sometimes the temperature in the room seems to hit the freezing point when you enter." Harm added.

Loren nodded. She knew Harm was right, but after all the years of getting hurt she had started to act cold and distant as a kind of self-defence. Yet she couldn't very well change the way she acted. What would the others think of her if she suddenly started talking to Lieutenant Sims-Roberts about recipes or asking about little AJ.

It was too late to change her attitude. Even if she did, she would always be Lieutenant Witch.

"It's the easiest way to save me from getting hurt." she told him. "God, don't you think I know my life would be so wonderful if I'd just smile every once in a while? It's not so hard for me to fucking smile? Sometimes I ask myself: 'What has to happen to make you happy?' But I don't deserve to be happy!" Fresh tears gave her eyes a silvery rim, but she blinked them away.

She knew what she needed right now, to talk to VIE12-25. He would understand her and make her feel better.

Talking to Harm only brought fresh tears to her eyes and she was afraid of saying something she would later regret and that could destroy her career forever.

"I think you should leave me alone now, Sir. It's against regulations for a male officer to be in the quarters of a female one."

Harm knew when he was being dismissed, but she was emotionally distraught. Should he really leave her alone? He should just disregard her wish for loneliness and stay. He should make her talk, really talk. Maybe she would stop being so bitter if she finally got over the pain she was suffering.

"If you want to talk, you know where to find me. I don't care if it's in the middle of the night or early in the morning. If you ever want to talk about what is really bothering you, you can come to me." he said before he left her alone.

After hearing him shut the door behind himself Loren did the only thing she could think of, sit down and cry all those unshed tears.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Maybe it hadn't happened, maybe it had all been a long, incredibly detailed dream. Click your heels three times and you're back in your bed. There's no place like home. It was a nice theory, anyhow.

Still, Loren Singer knew it had happend, that everything had happened.

With a sigh she stood up from where she was sitting on the ground and walked over to her laptop. Maybe talking to VIE12-25 could help her clear her mind.

JAZZFAN: Tonight I need a friend.

VIE12-25: That bad?

JAZZFAN: My day is getting better and better. No, scratch that. It's a freaking nightmare. First I blew up on my boss and...

How should she tell him the truth? She had never told him about her past. Not even VIE12-25 knew about the disaster that was her life.

JAZZFAN: My whole life is a disaster. I had this fiancé, I left him standing in front of the altar and left behind the life I had.

Now she'd done it and started talking about more private things. She hadn't told him her name, maybe never would, but when she had started chatting with him she had made a promise to herself to never ever tell him about her past or Derek. Today she had broken her promise.

VIE12-25: Are you going to tell me about it?

JAZZFAN: Why I left?

VIE12-25: Yes.

JAZZFAN: I didn't want to be myself anymore. I didn't want to deal with all the things I'd done, the mistakes I'd made. What a mess I'd made of my life. I thought I could escape it all and be someone else.

VIE12-25: Did it work?

Loren pondered the question. No, it hadn't worked, not the way it should have. She had learned that love and marriage would end one day.

There was an old pain in her chest, one she wished would leave her. Painful, humbled first pangs of love, buried deep inside. She was going to lose everyone she loved sooner or later.

That was part of the reason why she'd closed her heart off to any emotion, but two people had made their way into her life, one being her online-friend VIE12-25 and the other one being Harmon Rabb Junior. Both of them knew only a part of Loren Singer.

No one had ever known the real Loren Singer and she would make sure no-one would ever get close enough to hurt her.

--

DAYS LATER

When they got back into Washington life went back to usual.

Except for one small part... her sister was visiting and they were supposed to meet at Murphy's Tavern.

Oh joy. Loren knew that people she worked with, the Roberts, Commander Rabb or LtCol Mackenzie could be there too. She had argued with her sister about meeting somewhere else, but Annie had adamantly declined. More than declined. She had asked her sister if Loren was afraid of people she worked with knowing there was more to Loren Singer than just the Lieutenant in the Navy. Defeated, Loren had given in and still hoped that today none of her coworkers would appear at Murphy's Tavern, but she had no such luck.

When she entered the establishment she immediately heard, more then saw, Lieutenant Roberts.

"Oh no, the Roberts!" she mumbled to herself, but still loud enough for her sister to hear.

"Friends?"

"Coworkers, Annie."

"Introduce me."

Loren knew she couldn't argue with her sister. Resigned, Loren followed Annie to the Roberts' table, but as the two of them reached Harriet and Bud she realized they weren't alone. Harm and Mac where there, too.

"Lieutenant Singer." Harriet looked at the two women surprised.

"Hi, I'm Annie Parker, Loren's older sister. We came here for a drink, mind if we join you?"


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Sorry for the long delay – but real life took a turn for the worse. My neighbour floated my flat and I had to wait three months until I got a new carpet because the old one never dried. My computer died on me and yesterday, after two weeks I got the computer back, finally. Now I am still waiting for my new couch – until then I am sitting on the floor.**

**Special thanks to VisualIdentificationZeta who did more then betareading chapter 8. Part of chapter 8 was suggested and written by VisualIdentificationZeta. Thank you again.**

**Chapter 8**

Loren had to suffer in silence while her sister talked to Mac and Harriet, whom she had quickly befriended.

"It's not often that I get to see my little sister, Washington and Jacksonville are so far apart. It's more that just an hour away." Annie told them.

"But you have only recently seen your sister since she was in Camp Lejeune just a while ago. My husband had the measles and she had to go down to Jacksonville instead of him."

Both Singer sisters reacted differently. Loren sent a death glare Harriet's way for telling her sister that she had been in North Carolina and Annie looked at Loren in shock. She would have hoped that Little Loren, as she was still called by the family, would have dropped by to say hello.

"Don't look at me like that."

"You could have come home, even for dinner," Annie said, hurt evident in her voice.

"I couldn't."

"I'm sure that if you had asked, your boss would have allowed a family visit," Annie answered.

Loren was an inch away from grabbing her stuff and doing the only thing she had always done, run away. She didn't want to have a confrontation with her sister, neither now in front of her co-workers nor any other time. Hell, she didn't even know why she had agreed to meet her sister. Loren hated her past, she hated who she had once been.

Taking a deep breath Loren gave her sister her patented Ice-Queen glare.

"It's not about if I would have been allowed or not. When I left, I made a promise to myself to never step a foot into his house. I'm not going to break my promise and now I'm going to leave you in the company of these people. I'm sure you're going to find your back home to North Carolina without me."

This being her final words to her sister, Loren stood up and left the bar.

Five pairs of eyes watched her leave before four of them turned towards her sister. Annie only shrugged, she should have known Loren would have reacted this way, after all she was her sister.

"Loren left on her wedding day to join the Navy, I only know that she had a real big fight with our father, as usual."

"She was about to get married?" Harriet and Mac asked in unison.

"Look, Miss Singer," Harm interrupted, only now managing to get a word in. Ever since North Carolina he had become much more protective of Loren and this was the only way he could protect her. "I don't think this is either the time or the place, nor is it your place to reveal Loren's secrets. If she wants us to know something of her past or her secrets, she will tells us herself. Now, while I'm sure some of us are chomping at the bit to get some blackmail material or just some juicy gossip," he glared at Mac and Harriet meaningfully, until they both looked away, chastened, but not ashamed, even though they should've been. "I think it is best we stop the conversation right here. As I said, Loren will tell us herself if she wants us to know. Now, we all have to go to work early tomorrow and it's best we go home and get some sleep. Good night, Miss Singer." he finished the conversation and stood, glaring at the others until they stood as well.

They paid their drinks and slowly left the bar.

Before they each went their own way in the parking lot he stopped them.

Looking commandingly at each of them he ordered. "Now, I suggest you forgot what Miss Singer just told us." he saw Mac about to protest and he stared her into silence "It was not her place to reveal the LT's secrets and if I hear any rumors of this nature going around I will know who talked and I will make them sorry. Very sorry."

Bud and Harriet immediately agreed while Mac was glaring at Harm challengingly. Harm stared back. "I mean it, Mac, you may have more time in rank, but don't forget who's been at HQ the longest and who's got the most power there. Not even the Admiral has as much influence or power at HQ as I have and I WILL make you sorry if you keep after this or if you leak any of what you heard to others."

Harriet and Bud looked with frightened eyes between the two friends, never having see the Commander so frightening. He was talking with a soft voice and from experience they knew people are the most dangerous when talking that way. That fact finally seemed to break through Mac's hatred for the blond Lieutenant in question and worry seeped into her eyes. They all knew Harm wasn't lying, nor was he kidding. He'd been at JAG the longest of them all and, not only did the staff regard _him _as their leader and not the Admiral, he had also made some very powerful friends in that time. While the JAG had official power, Harm had unofficial power and influence and the unofficial is the actual power and the one that matters. Harm's reach was very long, in fact even longer than they imagined.

Mac, Bud and Harriet all knew it was best they agree and forget this evening had ever happened and so this time they all nodded in agreement, including Mac, and quickly left the parking lot.

-----------------------------------------

Two hours later when Harm returned home he still wondered if Loren was alright, she had left in such hurry and after seeing her breakdown a while ago in North Carolina he was more then worried. But he couldn't call her. Or could he?

While he grabbed the phone, he still pondered if he should call her. Coming to a conclusion he placed the receiver back down and grabbed his keys.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Thank your for the wonderful reviews. On a happier note: today I got a call, my new couch will arrive on saturday, finally, no more sitting on the floor.**

**Chapter 9**

Harm was sitting in his car in front of Loren's building for half an hour trying to decide whether to go up or not.

During that time he'd decided that he must have been crazy to go to her place instead of simply calling her. He didn't like her. Not the way he liked, let's say Mac.

Still, he knew he felt kind of sorry for her, he'd come to care deeply for the young Lieutenant. He'd never met anyone like her and, if he was truthful, she wasn't someone you would spend your free time with.

Over time he had learned bits and pieces about Loren. Things like that she'd been born and raised in North Carolina, maybe even in Camp Lejeune, for he remembered her telling him that to her being in Camp Lejeune meant being home. She was the youngest of four girls and tonight he had stopped her sister Annie from telling the story about Loren leaving on her wedding day.

People at JAG didn't need any more gossip about Loren. He was sure that he had made it clear to Bud, Harriet and Mac never to spill a single word about this secret. If not, he knew about ways to make them regret ever telling anyone else.

There was something about this story that made him remember he had already heard once about a woman leaving her fiancé on her wedding day. His online friend JAZZFAN had left her fiancé standing in front of the altar, too.

Loren Singer and JAZZFAN couldn't be the same person. Never.

Maybe it was coincidence that both had similar pasts.

Or maybe they were one and the same person.

After all, JAZZFAN had told him things which had happened to Loren too. The day she had blown up on him he had chatted with JAZZFAN and she had told him that she had blown up on her boss too, or the story about leaving her fiancé in front of the altar. He had heard the story twice, once from JAZZFAN and once nearly from Annie, Loren's sister. What else could she have meant by implying that Loren had left on her wedding day?

There was only one way to find out if it was the truth, Loren and JAZZFAN being one and the same.

-------------------------------------------

Meanwhile Loren was pacing back and forth in her apartment. Just when she desperately needed to talk to her friend, VIE12-25, he wasn't online.

She needed someone to talk to and if VIE12-25 wasn't online, there was only one other person she could think of.

In the spur of a moment Loren took her phone and dialled a number, belonging to someone living North of Union Station.

Frustrated, she put the receiver down when only the answering machine picked up. Not even he was there for her, even though he had promised, that whenever she would need someone to listen to her, he would be there for her. Everyone in her life disappointed her at one time.

VIE12-25 wasn't online and Harm wasn't at home, either.

She was deep in her thoughts when the knock on her front door startled her.

"Possibly Annie coming back to pester me again," she muttered as she walked over to the door and opened it.

"Commander Rabb!" surprised she looked at her superior officer.

"After what happened today at Murphy's Tavern I wanted to make sure that you are alright."

"I am," she lied.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

As Harm walked into Loren's apartment he looked at her from head to toe. She looked horrible, the day must've been really taxing on her. Clad in a pair of sweatpants and a shirt twice her size she was hiding in this dark room, illuminated only by a lone candle on the coffeetable. The poor light was making her look sickly pale and Harm barely restrained himself from acting on his worry and fuss over her.

While he took a seat on her sofa Loren busied herself in the kitchen, making coffee, since he had shown up at her doorstep she hadn't said another word. She was confused.

He shouldn't be here.

Yes, she needed someone to talk to and she had tried calling him, but now he was here, in her apartment, in person. It was all confusing.

She used the coffee as a stalling tactic to avoid talking to Harm, yet it was futile.

"Your sister didn't tell us anything. I stopped her just in time from spilling the things you would rather keep to yourself." she heard him suddenly say from behind her.

Loren willed her hands to stop shaking, realizing he was so near had been a shock. A moment ago he had still been sitting on her sofa and now he was standing directly behind her.

"It wouldn't have bothered me if she had told the story. Why not give them all the gossip they need? Why not tell them what a cold-hearted bitch I am for leaving my fiancé standing in front of the altar? I don't care if she tells them anything." Loren lied, her back to him. If he would have looked at her, looked into her eyes, he would have realized that it was a lie.

Loren was hurt, her sister was part of the family she'd never wanted to see again. Thus she didn't know why she had even agreed to meet Annie.

"I don't think so. Loren, they are already gossiping behind your back. I know you know about the gossip and that you only put up a brave front. You told me so yourself."

"I think you should leave." Loren said instead.

She didn't want to listen to him. He was telling the truth and the truth hurt, more than anything.

"No."

"Commander, I insist. Leave me alone."

But Harm had already anticipated that she would try to push him away. They were similar in so many ways. When he was hurt, he would try to push away the people who cared for him, too.

Loren shouldn't be alone, not now. Not until she got what bothered her off her chest. If she needed to talk or to rant and rave at someone, he was willing to be that someone.

He considered her a friend, plain and simple.

He had mostly seen her as a junior officer, a cold and bitter woman with no friends, but something had changed recently. Someone had changed.

Both were now different.

For one, Loren Singer who always looked so cold and unapproachable, who never gave any indication things might not be as perfect as they appeared, was about to break down. And he, he cared for a woman who wasn't Mac or Diane or someone close to him. Now Harm knew things, things that Loren had never told anyone, that she'd kept inside because she hadn't wanted the attention and because she hadn't wanted to cause problems.

"Tonight you need a friend more than anything else. Talk to me."

Loren turned around and looked at him. They stared at each other for a while, Harm was able to read the hurt in Loren's eyes with growing compassion. Wordlessly, he spread his arms in a silent gesture. Loren hesitated, but then her face crumbled, her tough facade broke, and she fell crying into the waiting embrace.

"It's just that... oh, I don't know…that feeling…it's so lonely…nobody ever wanted me…"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Harm was holding her while Loren cried her heart out for the young girl who only wanted to be loved by her family, who only wanted to make her daddy proud. She cried for the young woman who wasn't friends with anyone in school. She cried for the woman who'd left her fiancé on her wedding day.

It felt good to have finally someone care for her and with tears still brimming in her eyes she looked up at Harm.

He loved the way her eyes stormed over and showed everything she didn't want to say out loud. He loved? Harm tried to stiffle his shock over this realization. Yes, he cared for her, he would even admit out loud that he did. But loving her? No. He couldn't and right now his feelings shouldn't be something he would be concerned about. Right now was about Loren.

Harm guided her over to the sofa and pulled her down with him.

Loren was thinking of her life, it was a mess, it had all went wrong. She'd once wanted the perfect life, a career, a husband, a family and now she had nothing, not even friends. Could she rely on Harm?

She _could _try trusting him, she could start by telling him the things she hadn't even told Vie12-25.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"All my life I had to apologize. Everything I did wasn't good enough. I'm a complete failure. For my family and for the Navy." she answered and looked down at her trembling hands.

Harm noticed it too and took her cold-as-ice hands into his own. Loren didn't flinch away as she would have usually done, she craved the human contact.

She craved _his _touch.

"You're not a failure." He said and meant it.

"If only you knew."

"Try me. Loren, I offered you a shoulder to lean on. I am your friend, you can tell me what's bothering you. That's what friends are for, to help you carry your burden, to share your pain."

Loren didn't know if it was his words, the closeness of another human being after being alone for so long or simply the fact that it was Harm who cared, but she started talking.

"My parents wanted a little boy after three girls, but they had me. I disappointed them the day I was born and even later I couldn't do anything right. I was neither the little girl, all dressed up in frilly dresses, like my three sisters, nor the boy who played hockey and football. I had the highest marks in History, Maths and English Literature, but failed in art. They didn't see the marks I got, only the ones I didn't and when I never made it into the cheerleading team like my sisters, my father didn't talk to me for a week."

Loren stopped. Hadn't he realized by now that, whatever she did, it was never good enough?

She would never be able to make the important people in her life proud of her.

"They..." he started, but Loren had already started talking again.

"And later in High School, the quarterback of our football team became my boyfriend. I thought if I brought a decent boyfriend home, my Daddy would finally be proud of me. But he wasn't. Only his boys, that's what he still calls the men of his platoon. Maybe you've heard of him, Sergeant Major Aaron Singer."

Harm didn't know who to make her realize that she and her life weren't a failure. So she'd made choices in her life she wasn't proud of... So agreeing to marry the High School quarterback only to make her father proud of her, wasn't the best choice, but she had realized that she couldn't be happy married to a man she didn't really love. Harm hoped this was the reason for her calling off the wedding.

Since he could think of no words to make her feel better, he did the next best thing and pulled her into his arms, holding her, giving her comfort.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

In a moment of weakness Loren had shown Harm a side of her she had always hidden. Harm had seen the person behind the brave front. He had seen her crying like a child, vocalizing her demons.

Harm held her until she stopped crying. When her sobs turned into hiccups she settled deeper into him, relishing the feel of a first comforting, caring embrace in decades. Not that she regretted what he had done for her. It was just, he was the first to care, the first after Vie12-25 to care for her well-being.

When she finally pulled back and wiped her eyes she noticed Harm fidgeting. She had never seen him nervous before and it was scaring her. If it made _him _scared then it must be bad. Loren didn't dare to ask at first.

Finally, when she was sure that she could take the rejection which she was sure to receive, she asked him: "What's wrong?"

Harm looked up, inner battle clear in his stormy eyes. After a few seconds the storm cleared as he seemed to have decided something.

"I want to tell you something." he started hesitantly, not yet believing he was actually going to say this.

"Yes?"

Another fidget and then a resigned sigh. He was obviously doing this...

"A few weeks ago I was on the internet and I met someone."

Loren felt her heart break when she heard his words. She didn't know why it was so, but she was too well acquainted with the feeling by now to not recognize it. She had a feeling what he was trying to get to, this sounded too much like a break up to be misunderstood. They weren't dating, but perhaps he was telling her he couldn't be her friend anymore?

Loren knew that she could take many losses in her life, she had suffered through enough pain to be strong, but loosing his friendship, she wasn't sure that she could survive without him, without him being her friend, lending a shoulder to cry on, to hold her when she needed comfort. It had felt wonderful to know that someone, her special someone, care for her. But it would be over, as anything good that had ever happened in her life would end one way or another.

She would revert back to the shell that was Loren Singer, Lieutenant in the US-NAVY, Lieutenant Witch for her co-workers, and she would never ever let anyone get close to her again, except for the only person she could and would always trust, her online-friend VIE12-25. The disappointment of losing another friend would only hurt her and she was sick of suffering. Why was there no end to her pain? What had she done to deserve all this pain and suffering?

"I didn't know who she was, but over the course of the past few weeks I've come to know more about her and her past. But it was only today with the new scraps of information that the pieces fell together for me. I swear to you on my father's grave I didn't know it before today and I never would've taken advantage of it. You have to believe me."

Harm looked deep into Loren's eyes, hoping to make her believe he hadn't been just using her and making fun of her, and was disconcerted to see evidence of tears in those ice-blue orbs. Tentatively he brushed away a few stray tears that had already escaped from her eyes. It was now or never.

"What I'm trying to say, Loren, is that I'm VIE12-25." He added.

Silence ensued. Numb from shock, Loren slipped from his embrace. She couldn't believe it. Maybe it was a sick joke? He couldn't be her online-friend. Never.

Yes, she had always wanted to be his friend and now, after pouring her heart out to VIE12-25 during the past few weeks, after telling him her deepest and darkest secrets, it turned out, that VIE12-25 and Harmon Rabb junior was one and the same person.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

After learning the shocking truth of her online-friend and the man who had comforted her in the last couple of weeks being one and the same person she did the only thing that came to her mind. She threw him out of her apartment. Maybe not the best choice she had ever made, but she needed to be alone to fully process what he'd revealed.

Loren was sure that any other woman would have reacted differently. Most women would have welcomed him with open arms after learning that their best friend, yes, for her VIE12-25 was her best friend, and the man they had a crush on, in this case Harmon Rabb Junior, were one and the same person. But Loren wasn't like most women, she felt betrayed, hurt even.

After telling him her deepest, darkest secrets, it turned out that VIE12-25 was Harmon Rabb Junior. No man in her life had ever hurt her like this, except maybe her father. He was the only man in her life who could have reduced her to tears until today.

Loren remembered the various moments in her life, her wedding day being the most prominent memory.

_An amazing array of flowers and colors decorated the church, with __a__ strange priest she had never met, but had been choosen by her father, waiting at the altar to perform the ceremony. The entire church was filled to the brim with people, including her mom at the front, already crying her eyes out. _

_Loren was dressed in a simple, yet beautiful, white wedding gown. There was only the barest touch of lace and no intricately beaded bodice. She knew she was still stunning in her groom's eyes though, so it didn't matter to her what she was wearing._

_As the music began to play she looked into her groom's grinning face and grasped her father's arm to start the walk down that aisle into her groom's waiting embrace._

_But suddenly Loren stopped in her tracks._

"_I can't, I'm sorry," she whispered._

"_You're going to get married. I paid enough money for this __wedding__ and you__'re not __going to call __it__ off. Stop this nonsense at once__, y__ou should do one thing right in __your__ life. We are going to get you married to this man. He wants you, why__ -__ I don't know, but you are going to marry him now," her father said in a harsh whisper__._

"_No__,__ father. I'm not going to marry Derek. I'm sorry, but I can't."_

_Loren let her flowers fall before she gathered her skirt and turned around, leaving the church in a hurry. _

Oh, how she longed for someone she could talk to, someone whom she could tell everything that was bothering her, a friend who would listen to her. But apparently she had sent away the only friend she had ever had, meaning Harm. Could she call him again? She should apologize for her words. She hadn't been cruel to him earlier today, she hadn't intended to hurt him, but in the spur of the moment she had acted on instinct, as usual.

Now she should beg for forgiveness. Did she even deserve his forgiveness and a second chance? There was only one way to find out.

--------------------------------------

Harm was about to go to sleep when someone knocked on his door.

He opened the door to the sight of Loren standing before him.

"What are you doing here at this time of night?" Harm asked surprised.

She had literally thrown him out of her flat after the discovery of him and Vie12-25 being one and the same and now she stood in front of him. Harm remembered the words she had screamed at him about not ever wanting to see or talk to him again.

"I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"I want to apologize for my reaction and explain it."

"You don't have to apologize, not when you don't want to."

"Harm, I'm sorry for what I said to you, I never wanted to hurt you, but your revelation was a shock. I would have never anticipated that you and the person I trust would be one and the same." she said.

At seeing the sincerety and regret in her eyes, Harm opened the door wider and ushered her in. Just as he was closing the door he saw one of his neighbours open their own door with the purpose of gaining some fodder for the building's rumor mill. And the last thing Harm wanted was to be the hot topic of gossip in this house.

Maybe he and Loren should talk, but not outside.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Her black dress made Loren look even paler than she really was and it only served to kick Harm's worry up even more.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"A really strong coffee, please. We have something to discuss and coffee stops me from falling asleep." she answered.

Ten minutes later the coffee was ready and they sat on his couch. After a minute of silence Harm knew he had to give Loren a kick to get her to say what she wanted to say.

"Tell me."

Loren didn't know how or where to start. Maybe at the beginning or maybe at the end? She could blurt out that she felt something for him. Or she could just act.

But then she remembered the words of a wise man: when apologizing, you should start with saying 'I'm sorry' and only then explain the reasons for your mistake.

"I'm sorry." her words were a mere whisper.

"I've already said you have nothing to be sorry for."

But she knew she couldn't just leave it at that, she had to explain her reaction, even though she suspected he already knew and understood. "Vie12-25 was the first person I've trusted in years and, when I learned that you are him, I over-reacted. I'm truly sorry, Harm. I should have listened to you, but after all those years of getting hurt, . . Harm, that's how I handle problems, either by running away or pushing away the people who care."

Harm gave her hand a gentle squeeze and looked at her, knowing Loren wasn't finished with her story.

He was right.

"I've always wanted a friend. One who would accept me, not the Lieutenant in the US-Navy or the daughter of Sergeant Major Aaron Singer, but me, for who I am."

-------------------------------------------------

Loren and Harm spent the whole night talking, then around 0400 in the morning she fell asleep on his couch. Even the amount of coffee she had drunk hadn't been enough to keep her awake.

As Harm walked through the living room on his way to the kitchen to get something to drink he looked at the sleeping Loren. She looked peaceful and calm, but sweat was forming on her forehead. Harm couldn't resist the urge to reach out and brush away a strand of blonde hair. A second later, startled by his touch, Loren sat upright on the couch, awake and staring at Harm wide-eyed as if she was in shock.

"Everything all right?" he asked worriedly.

"You startled me."

"You were sleeping peacefully" Harm told her.

"I had a dream" Loren told him.

"You looked calm and peaceful, but you had sweat on your forehead. It must have been more than just a dream."

"Oh, now you have a degree in psychology?" she asked, her voice full of sarcasm.

"No, I don't, but I know when someone has a nightmare."

Harm kneeled next to Loren, placing his hand on her arm.

"I told you, you can trust me. Tell me what is bothering you."

"Nothing."

As usual Loren tried to push away the one who wanted to help her, she wasn't ready to accept the help and comfort of another human being. After having been told her entire life that she wasn't worthy of love and care she couldn't accept that people would act friendly to her.

"Loren, tell me how I can help you."

If Harm would have been a mind-reader, he would have learned the answer, the solution to her problems. It was as simple as it could be. *Love me like I love you.*

However Loren couldn't say the words, not now. Maybe she would be ready to say them one day, but not yet.

"Come on, take a hot shower, get changed and I'll make you cocoa" he said the next best thing that came to his mind.

If she wouldn't say how he could help her, then he would try and find out how to make her pain go away and make her trust him.

"Coffee would be better." she said standing up.

"Your sleep deprivation isn't healthy. When was the last time you had a full-night's sleep?"

"A long time ago." with that she softly closed the bathroom door.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

When Loren returned from the bathroom, wrapped in his dressing-gown, Harm was still sitting on the couch, playing with a loose thread of the blanket.

"Maybe you should take the bed." he suggested.

"I'm not going to kick you out of your own bed." She protested.

"But my couch is not the right place for you to sleep on."

"Then I should drive back to my apartment. It's late and I have already been enough of a burden tonight." Loren said half-heartedly, not wanting to go.

"Stay here. You can sleep in my bed." He repeated again.

At 0400 in the morning he couldn't let her drive all the way across the city back to her apartment.

'Stubborn woman,' he thought. An idea crossed Harm's mind then. He hoped Loren wouldn't deck him for it, he knew she could, but Harm was willing to take this risk, everything to make her comfortable and get her to trust him again.

"Come here." he ordered gently, holding his hand out to her.

Loren took his hand, trusting him and together they walked into his bedroom. Harm laid down and lifted the comforter.

"Come on, join me, I won't bite." Harm said to lighten the mood.

"We can't."

"I'm not asking you to marry me; I just want you to get a good-nights-rest."

Unsure what to think of it, Loren walked over to the bed and, still wearing his dressing-gown, she crawled into the bed, letting Harm drape the comforter over them both.

At first Loren couldn't get comfortable, but a moment later she felt Harm's arm going around her waist. A second later she was pressed into him, her head resting on his chest where the beating of his heart would soothe her to sleep.

"Better?" he asked, stroking her back.

"Much."

"Go to sleep" he said softly.

It felt wonderful laying in his arms, she felt safe and loved for the first time in her life.

It felt like home.

Laying here she could allow herself to daydream about the famous what-if's. Unconsciously her fingers were moving over his chest until her hand came to rest over his heart.

"Why is it wrong, even when it feels right?" she voiced her thoughts out loud.

"What?" Harm asked.

"Laying in your arms. Being so close to you."

"Why should it be wrong? We're friends, I dare say we're best friends. Is it forbidden for best friends to share a bed? To offer comfort to each other?" Harm smiled.

Loren was silent. What should she say? "Damn, no one had ever truly cared for me and this is exactly what I have always wanted. Someone to be my friend, to like me, to love me. Someone like you. But I can never get what I want, I never had the chance for my happily-ever-after. Not even with the man I love." as soon as the words were out of her mouth Loren realized what she had said.

She could only hope he wouldn't ask no more. Loren wasn't sure that in her emotional state she would be able to lie and maybe even blurt out her feelings for Harm.

She wasn't ready for this kind of confession.

Not yet.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The first thing Loren realized in the morning when she woke up was that she had never before had a better good-nights-sleep in her bed. Coming right up on the heels of that feeling was the realization that she wasn't even in her own bed.

'Oh God... a one-night-stand.'

But a one-night-stand had never made her feel warm, safe and loved.

Then she remembered.

She remembered Harm telling her that he was Vie12-25.

She remembered that she had thrown what was called a temper-tantrum and sent him away only to appear on his doorstep a few hours later.

She was in his apartment, in his bed and judging from the strong arms wrapped around her, he was in bed too.

Maybe she could pretend to still be asleep and enjoy the feeling of being in his arms for a while longer. But when she turned in his arms in an attempt to get comfortable she saw his blue eyes open and watching her.

"Morning." He said.

Loren only nodded, afraid that by talking this dream would end and he would suggest getting up.

"Did you sleep well?"

She nodded again.

"We should get up", Harm suggested.

Loren hesitated for a moment before trying to get up. So much for laying in his arms a while longer... But a hand on her arm stopped her.

"I'm going to make breakfast. You can stay in bed a while longer and I'll call you when it's ready."

Another nod.

She watched him get up and leave the room. Only after she heard him rummaging through the kitchen did she allow herself to relax and think about him. He had acted like a true gentleman. Anyone else would have tried to feel her up, after all she had only worn her underwear and his bathrobe to bed while he was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. But not Harm. He had held her all night as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

After a while she knew that she had to get up, she couldn't stay in bed any longer.

Wrapping his bathrobe tightly around herself, feeling as if she was still in his arms, she headed into the kitchen where she found him making coffee.

Since he hadn't noticed her standing behind him she gave in to her overactive imagination and tried to imagine a life with him.

She could clearly see long cuddling sessions in the morning, her wearing his clothes like his Academy T-shirt when she was lounging around, and moments like this one with him making breakfast for the two of them.

She hadn't noticed him turning around until he was standing in front of her.

"French toast and coffee" he told her, pointing towards the plates and cups standing on the nearby table.

Loren only nodded in surprise. She knew eventually she would have to answer him verbally, because if she didn't start talking soon he would become worried.

Yet, on the other hand in some childish way she believed that she would destroy her dream of for once having someone taking care of her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Harmon Rabb Junior had always dreamt of having a family – the life you see in movies on TV. A house, two and a half kids, a white picket-fence.

He had always wanted a normal life. Sometimes, no, most of the time, when he returned to his cold, empty apartment after another case finished he felt lonelier than ever.

Harm had had the chance of a normal, happy life, far away from the NAVY, but he had denied himself his chance for happiness.

It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But what about a love never acknowledged?

Maybe he still had a chance to get what he really desired? What if he had finally found the right woman? When he had woken up yesterday with Loren in his arms, he had felt wonderful. He had felt something he wanted to experience every day. But what about Loren and what she wanted? Was she even ready for a relationship? Did she even want one with him?

Harm knew he should talk to her. Yesterday after breakfast she had left abruptly and he hadn't heard from her since. He had only recently seen her again, when he had walked into Headquarter this morning.

"Did you have a good weekend?" Mac's voice interrupted his musing.

"Yeah."

"Having fun with your online-friend?"

Mac knew he had met someone online, but she didn't know who his online-friend was and he would keep it this way, for a while.

"My weekend was acceptable, but I've had better." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them. It hadn't been merely acceptable. He had enjoyed Loren's company. He had lied to Mac, but he couldn't very well tell the truth.

"Hello, Lieutenant" said Mac suddenly.

As Harm turned around he saw Loren Singer standing behind him, she had heard him and Mac talking. Harm groaned in misery at her timing.

Yet he knew she would understand he had to lie about his weekend. After all, she would've done the same. He was sure about it. Loren wouldn't tell anyone she had spent a night at his apartment, sleeping in his bed, in his arms. They couldn't tell anyone. Not now, not until they had defined if they were only friends or maybe more.

"I needed a refill" Loren said, holding her cup for them to see.

"A long night again?" Mac asked.

"Yes, Ma'am,"she answered, as she poured herself another cup of coffee, ignoring Harm.

If she would look at him or talk to him, she wasn't sure if she would managed to keep herself from losing her composure. She had opened up to him and what had he done? Denied he had spent time with her. He had made it sound like this weekend, the night they had spent together or the breakfast he had made for her the next day, had been insignificant.

She left them and went back to her work, but only physically. Her mind was wrapped around his words, the words he had said to Mac about his weekend.

For hours Loren sat behind her desk in silence; darkness, hopelessness and a supreme sense of failure washing over her. Loren wasn't used to failure. Then something inside just broke.

In that moment she realized Harmon Rabb Junior was no different from anyone else in her life. He was like every other person who had already hurt her. She should have never ever hoped for a happily-ever-after. Some people aren't destined to have a happily-ever-after in their lives and she was one of them.

Lost in her thoughts she didn't realize that the man haunting her thoughts had just entered her office and closed the door behind him.

"Loren, is everything alright?" he asked concerned.

"I'm fine Commander, thanks for asking." She answered in the coldest tone she could muster up.

"Commander? We're alone right now; we can call each other by our first names. We're friends after all."

"Vie12-25 was my friend."

"Was?"

Harm looked at her, worry etched on his forehead.

"I know what I had with Vie12-25, but not what I have with you!" she finally said.

"I'm the same person."

"Still, are you my friend? Or do you want to, in the end, have a good laugh at my expense?"

"Never, Loren. I care for you."

"That's what my father said too. And Derek."

"I'm neither of them."

"If you're done, I'd like to go home."

"Yeah, of course." Harm said quietly. "Sorry for taking up your time."

She left her office and walked across the bullpen to the elevator, boarding it when the doors opened a second later. Despite the distance he could see her face as she turned and felt a stab of guilt when he saw the tears on her cheeks.

"You're such a jerk" Harm said to himself. "An idiotic jerk." He grabbed his briefcase and with a long sigh headed out, intending to talk to her again, to make it up to her.

In her car Loren finally gave into the rest of the tears. No matter what she tried, she just couldn't seem to reach him.


	17. Chapter 17

Again I am suffering from writer's block. Some reviews with suggestions how to continue would be nice, maybe my muse will be back again soon. So, if you have an idea for my fanfic, please drop a review and if I like your idea, maybe my muse will return and I can continue writing.

**Chapter 17**

It was how he found her, sitting in her car, crying.

Without considering that other people could and would see him, he opened her car door and kneeled down so he was on eye-level with her.

"Loren, I'm sorry for being such a complete jerk, but when you don't tell me what I did wrong, I can neither apologize nor make it up to you."

Loren turned her tear-stained face towards him, knowing it was finally time for the truth.

"I only wanted what others have. A friend. Someone to like me. For once in my life I wanted to have someone who accepted me the way I am. I tried dating for a while, but it never worked out. Before him, there were other guys. I have a bad track-record with relationships. I can't and won't do it again. And when I heard you talking today, I realized that I would never get anything good in my life."

"That's not true."

"It is. You made it clear that I could never have what I wanted."

"How?"

"What you told the Colonel about your weekend."

Harm sighed. It wasn't easy to really explain, not without revealing that he could imagine a relationship with Loren. But maybe he should. Maybe it was time to say what he felt for her.

But what was it? What did he really feel for Loren? Did he love her? Or did he only care for her as a friend?

And what about her? Yes, she had admitted that she wanted a happily-ever-after. But did she want him to be her Prince Charming? She did. If not she wouldn't be crying about a comment he had made to Mac.

"What do you see when you look at me?" Loren asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"You."

"Well, what else?"

"A woman. A headstrong beautiful woman, a friend and co-worker. A person who cares and one I care about too. I see someone whom I want to get to know better. I see someone who is passionate about her beliefs, someone who loves Jazz, enjoys a glass of wine and needs her strong coffee after a long night. A woman with a smile that makes my knees go weak." he admitted.

"I don't see that anymore. All I see is a woman who has a hard life, one who suffers from big disappointments in her life. One who was born and called a failure her whole life until she believed it herself."

Harm took her into his arms, only intending to offer comfort to a friend.

He inhaled deeply, catching the combined scent of Loren's perfume, his cologne, and her feminine scent, the blood began to pound in his ears and rush through his veins.

It was the moment he knew and realized that he wanted more in his life and that he wanted it with Loren by his side. If she would let him.

Times like this one made him realize he wanted the whole package – marriage, children, and a house with a white picket fence.

He suddenly turned so they were facing each other and before he could think, move or breathe, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him close to her, and captured his lips in a long, passionate, sizzling kiss. They acted on instinct.

Harm didn't hesitate to meet the tidal wave of raw need and passion that the kiss was igniting in him. Their tongues duelled as the kiss grew more intense. When the need for oxygen finally forced them apart, Harm drew back just enough to take Loren's head in his hands gently. Her eyes were still closed and Harm tilted his head down to place light kisses on first one eyelid, then the other. He kissed her tears away.

When he lifted his head again she opened her eyes and all he could see there was love and desire, the same love and desire he felt.

He gently stroked her cheeks with his thumbs.

"I want what you want, with you."

They stayed like this for a couple more minutes, then they had to let go. They'd realized who and where they were.

Two officers kissing in the JAG parking lot.

Oops...


	18. Chapter 18

**A bit late but still HAPPY NEW YEAR, gelukkig nieuwjaar und ein frohes neues Jahr.**

**I won't update for a while, I am having my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow.**

**Chapter 18**

Loren and Harm looked at each other as the realization of what they had just done hit them like a bucket of cold water. They weren't teenagers, their kiss wouldn't be without consequences. What if someone had seen them? They were officers in the US Navy, they couldn't just make out in the parking lot. Especially not without being in a relationship.

Yet maybe they could make it work – a relationship, namely. After all, Harm had said he wanted what she wanted. Could they have a life similar to the one Harriet and Bud lived? Marriage and children? Oh, no, that was too far away, Loren shouldn't start making plans for a wedding already.

That wasn't the direction she had ever expected for her life to take. She wasn't made for a relationship or a happily-ever-after. And even though he had said that he wanted what she wanted, with her, did he really mean it?

Loren looked into his eyes, for they spoke volumes. She didn't even need to ask, the answer was clear in his eyes. He was as confused as she, but she could see he was letting her see his emotions in his eyes.

"What had just happened?" Loren finally voiced her question.

"Something I should have done a long time ago", he admitted.

Yes, Harm should have kissed her a long time ago. Now he had finally realized he liked her, loved her even.

"And now?" Loren wanted him to take the next step too.

"I'm not expecting anything here, so if it's easier I can go. If you say that you didn't feel what I felt during our kiss, then just say it and I promise you that it will never happen again." Harm said suddenly and stood up. He was giving her the choice to back out. Maybe he should before they both did something they'd regret later.

Loren sighed. No, she couldn't lie. Not about such a mind-blowing experience.

"No. Harm, I'm scared of messing this up and I'm also afraid of what the others will say. If we try it, I mean us, we have to keep it a secret. Promise me."

"Promise." He would have promised her the moon if she asked for it.

Loren grabbed his hand; ignoring the electric tingles this gesture produced as they threaded their fingers together. She looked up, smirking, finding a mischievous grin on his face.

"What if someone saw us kiss?!" was her next question.

"I don't think anyone was still in the building", Harm said, not completely convinced.

But someone had stood by the window, looking outside and seeing them kiss, someone who felt they had to act, someone who had to take drastic measures after seeing those two officers kiss.

**AN: Who should have been standing at the window? Mac? The Admiral? Someone else? Leave my a review and tell me what you think.**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Thanks for the reviews. **

**Now I feel a bit better, after having my wisdom teeth removed and I decided to write a very short chapter****. It's so short**** because I am still ****undecided as to**** who should have seen them kiss and am still not feeling ****entirely ****well.**

**Chapter 19**

What were they doing? Two JAG officers kissing like teenagers in the parking-lot.

The person standing at the window, watching them, shook their head.

What they did behind closed doors was their business, but a parking lot wasn't a very private place where you could kiss unseen.

The three of them needed to have a talk about what had happened and what Harm and Loren were planning for the future. The observer needed to know how long they'd been seeing each other or if the kiss was a one-time-thing.

With Bud and Harriet Roberts already married, everyone at JAG knew that a relationship between two officers could cause problems. If asked, everyone would tell about one time or another when the Roberts had had a disagreement in the office. Did they need it to happen with another couple now? Another couple at JAG?

Still, maybe their kiss had happened on the spur of a moment? No. Even from far away it had been clear it meant something. As if it wasn't a mere kiss, but a promise. A promise for a future, future with marriage and children.

Yes, Harm and Loren deserved some happiness. But with each other? Were they even a match made in heaven? The person didn't know.

It was time for a talk. Better right now than later.

The person sighed, turned around and went off to get the two officers.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Harm and Loren were still in the parking lot, looking at each other and trying to comprehend what had just happened. What they had admitted. They wanted a future together, a future as more than just friends. Harm could envision a happily-ever-after with Loren.

"Are you sure it's me you want?" she voiced her question.

"I think we should talk!" a male voice said before Harm could answer.

A male voice belonging to the Admiral. He had seen his two officers kissing like teenagers and now he needed to have a talk with them, he had to find out if it was serious between the two of them or only a fling. Normally he wasn't interested in what his officers did after work but when it could concern JAG he had to interfere.

"Sir, we can explain" Harm said and came to attention in front of his boss.

"I am sure you can. My office, now, both of you." He said and left the two of them in the parking lot, going inside again.

Harm and Loren followed the Admiral with their eyes. Now it was time to talk. Both would have preferred to talk about the matter in private first, but now they would have to define their new relationship in front of the Admiral.

With a sigh Loren left her car and both walked back into the building.

The Admiral was already waiting for them in his office, standing at the window, looking outside.

"At ease" he said without turning around.

"Sir, we can explain..." Harm started.

"I am sure you can, but answer me, how long?" he interrupted him.

Harm and Loren looked at each other. How long? Today they had kissed for the first time, but they had been friends for a while, first only online friends without realizing who the other was.

"I don't know, Sir", Loren said.

"You don't know? I find two of my officers kissing in the parking lot and when I ask how long it's been going on you can't answer me?" angrily he whirled around, looking at the two of them.

"It's complicated Sir."

"The only thing complicated is telling the SecNav that I have another couple here at JAG. You know what he said the last time I told him about two of my officers hooking up? He asked me if all my officers were acting like hormonal teenagers and getting married in the near future. I told him no. But I should have known, with Commander Rabb working at JAG some things just happen, like shooting holes in the roof or crashing airplanes. Tell me, are you going to marry or is this just a fling?"

They had never before seen the Admiral this angry. What should they tell him? They had admitted that they wanted a future together just a few minutes ago.

"Sir, we are only at the beginning of our relationship, the kiss you saw was our first kiss." Harm said.

"We haven't really discussed how to go from here. Yes, we have admitted that we want what any other couple wants, marriage, children and a house – but not today. We only realized our feelings for each other. Sir, it's too early to answer your question, we haven't defined yet what we are." Loren told him, looking at Harm instead of at the Admiral.

Loren was right, Harm knew she was right. They didn't know how to explain to the Admiral their relationship. They weren't even in one, for it had only just begun.

Today.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Harm and Loren were only half listening Admiral talk since they were dreaming of a possible what if.

_While Loren stood in the kitchen, baking cookies, she could hear her three children playing outside. She was happy with the way her life had turned out. _

_Suddenly she heard her children squealing__ in happiness__ and __the sound of __a man laughing. Her husband was back. Wiping her hands on the apron she walked over to the window, gazing outside at her happily-ever-after. __A__ll th__o__s__e__ years __ago __she had made the right decision in the Admiral's office._

"Lieutenant, are you even listening to a word I have been saying?" the Admiral's voice brought her back to the present.

"Yes." she whispered before she remembered where and who she was "Yes, Sir."

"Care to share what you were thinking about since you seemed to be more interested in daydreaming than in any word I have been saying about proper protocol and relationships between two officers?"

"No, Sir."

"That wasn't a question."

Loren sighed and looked over at Harm. Should she tell the Admiral and Harm about her daydream? She could lie. But wouldn't they know if she was lying?

"Permission to speak freely?" she finally asked.

Whatever the Admiral was about to say it was time for the truth. But what truth? The truth that she had longed all her life for a man who would love her? The truth that she longed for a happily-ever-after? The truth that she would give her career up if it meant this was the only way she could be happy with Harm? Yes, the whole truth.

"Granted."

"My father still believes that women shouldn't be in the armed forces, but I defied him years ago. I wanted to prove myself since I have disappointed him all my life. I was born a girl instead of the boy he had longed for. Whatever I did, I never made him proud. I thought that no one would ever care for me, that no one would and could ever love me. I have never been loved. Not really. Until I met someone, an online-friend. His name is Vie12-25. I started to confide in him, about what I wanted and I realized that it was me who'd kept me from being happy. I realized that being in love would mean taking some risks and I'm ready to take those risks now. Sir, what I mean to say is, if you ask me to resign my commission so I can continue wherever this relationship with Commander Rabb will lead me, then I will do it. I've realized that I care... no, it's more than that. I have feelings for the Commander. Feelings I want to talk about with him and explore together with him, but if it means that I have to choose between the Navy and maybe a possible future together with him, something I never thought would be possible for me, my answer will be an easy one."

Harm looked at Loren in shock. What had she said? She would willingly give up her career for a relationship with him, even with the possibility that it wouldn't work out in the end?

Harm admired her courage and he wasn't the only one.

The Admiral sat stunned in his chair. He had never heard something like this before, someone telling him that he or she would choose a relationship, that could even end badly, over a future in the Navy.

He knew he had some thinking to do and that his two officers needed to talk.

"Today is Friday. I want the two of you back here on Monday. We will continue our talk and make some decisions then."

"Yes, Sir."

"Dismissed."

As both officers were about to leave his office, he called Harm back.

"Rabb."

"Yes, Sir."

"She is a damn fine woman. Don't do anything that would make her regret her decision to love you and that she would give up anything for you."

"Yes, sir, she is. And don't worry, I don't intend to ever make her regret loving me nor giving up anything for me."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

They decided to drive to Harm's apartment to talk, but the drive there was made in silence.

Loren pondered what she had admitted in the Admiral's office. She'd said she would give up anything for Harm. Even if she could only have him for one night she would give up anything. He was worth the risk she was about to take.

Harm meanwhile tried to concentrate on the road, but his thoughts were pre-occupied with thoughts of every possible what-if-future. Loren had made the first step in their relationship by telling the Admiral what she wanted, now it was his turn. What should he do? Go down on one knee and propose? Send her away and tell her that he wasn't ready? Harm shook his head.

Whatever his decision would be he'd make sure she would never regret falling in love with him.

He couldn't wait to get home so he pulled his car over to the side of the road. They needed to talk and they needed to do it now. No more delaying, he needed some answers now.

"Did you mean what you said back in the Admiral's office about giving up your career?" he asked her.

"Yes", she replied without hesitation.

"You really think I'm worth the risk? Giving up a promising career?"

"You are worth so much more, Harm."

Harm knew Loren had been hurt by people in her life before and he was afraid of hurting her too. He knew how much being in the Navy meant to her, he couldn't let her give up her career.

"I don't want you to give up your career. Don't resign your commission for me, I'm not worth it. I don't want you to do that." he finally told her.

"I've already made up my mind, Harm."

"And what if we don't work out?"

"Then I will always have memories I will cherish with my heart."

"But your career..." he started, but was stopped by Loren.

"A successful career is not everything in life. Harm, a promising career doesn't give me a tingling feeling, it can't keep me warm at night or make my knees go weak. I can't have long talks with my career, it makes me feel lonely. Yes, I have achieved a lot, but I have also done things I'm not proud of. I did join the Navy to prove that I'm more than a weak little girl. I know now that I don't need it. I don't need the Navy the way I need you, the one I love."

Harm was more than shocked by her words. Yes, she had already admitted that she loved him, in the Admiral's office, but he still hadn't said it back himself.

She had bared her soul and heart to him and what had he done? Nothing. Again he'd taken the coward's way out and started the engine of his car. They could talk more back in his apartment. Maybe by then he'd know what to tell her. Maybe then he could say those three words back.

Or maybe not.


	23. Chapter 23

**My fanfic is coming to an end, just one more chapter and an epilogue. It's time for me to say thank you to a lot of wonderful people.**

**First to my betareaders: Cassandra30 and VisualIdentificationZeta.**

**Second to all my faithful reviewers.**

**Thank you all.**

**And I promise, this won't be my last fanfic, I am currently thinking about writing another one. **

**Chapter 23**

Back in his apartment another uncomfortable silence settled between the two.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked.

Loren only shook her head.

They had something to discuss and they should stop delaying their talk. Both knew it. She had already started talking, baring her soul, now it was his turn. Yet it seemed he was afraid.

"Are you hungry?"

"Harm, we need to talk. We need to make some decisions."

Yes, but what kind of decisions? Maybe the Admiral would allow them to date each other without Loren having to resign her commission? Maybe it would even work out for them and Harm could give her the happily-ever-after she so desperately craved and deserved. She deserved to be happy. She deserved someone who'd make her happy and if he could be this someone, so be it.

Deciding he would do anything to make her happy Harm walked over to Loren and took her small hand in his larger one.

"Loving someone isn't easy for me, I've had a lot of problems in the past with my relationships. All of them ended one way or another. Loren, you deserve all the happiness you can get and I hope that I can be who you deserve and give you what you deserve. I love you."

She looked at him speechless. Yes, she had hoped for his love, but never in her wildest dreams would she have believed that he would say it, that he would say those three important words.

----------

Hours later they still sat on his couch in each other's arms, talking.

"Tell me, did you ever imagine this? Us?" Harm asked her.

"This yes, us no."

Harm knew what she meant. He had longed for the right one all his life, but would have never imagined Loren Singer was the right one.

Yet now he was laying on his couch with Loren in his arms and talking about a possible future. He wasn't intending to go down on one knee and ask for her hand in marriage, not yet, but he knew he wanted to live with her. They should try dating first, take one step at a time. On Monday they would talk to the Admiral about the possibilities they had, meaning if there was any way for them to be together without one of them having to resign their commission.


	24. Chapter 24

**Oh, I forgot to post the end of IM TO LOVE. During the last couple of weeks I had tried something new, a new genre of fanfics. But now I proudly present: the last chapter of IM TO LOVE, there will be only a short epilogue after this chapter. **

**My betareader pointed out that the Admiral would have to answer to no-one when it comes to dealing with fraternization but for the sake of my story, I changed it a bit. **

**Chapter 24**

On Monday morning they had to face the music, so to speak. It was time to talk to the Admiral and inform him of the decision they'd reached on Saturday evening.

Both Harm and Loren were willing to take the risks a relationship would mean for the two of them. Loren was willing to give up anything for Harm and he had admitted he cared for her, that he had deep feelings for the woman he had never looked twice at before.

For him, Loren had only been a co-worker until he'd first seen past the icy exterior Loren had mastered long ago to hide her emotions. She'd always appeared brave and strong, trying not to let on what she really felt. Yet she had let Harm see behind the mask, he had seen the real Loren Singer and had fallen in love with her. She had been hurt a lot in the past and had believed she would never be ready for a new relationship again. Until Harm.

People called her many names, among them the Ice Queen. They were but half right.

The only way Loren was similar to the Ice Queen was in her physical beauty. The Ice Queen from the tale was the most beautiful woman in the world and this is the only thing Loren had in common with the woman. Loren was, simply put, the most gorgeous woman Harm had ever seen. Otherwise, Loren's heart was far from cold, much less frozen. To him Loren was anything but an Ice-Queen. She was spunky, full of fun, caring and, to those who meant something to her, loving and giving. She had a great sense of humor and meant a lot to the handsome Commander. Yes, he loved her. Yes, he was willing to give anything for a happily-ever-after together with her.

Which was exactly what he told the Admiral: "Sir, I would have called crazy anyone who would have suggested that I and Lieutenant Singer were made for each other, but now I know it's the truth. She is everything I have ever longed for in a woman and is anything but an Ice Queen. She is a beautiful, caring woman, a damn fine officer and I'm honored and grateful for the privilege of knowing her. I still can't believe she's willing to sacrifice everything for me, but I guess that's what real love is about, being selfless, placing the needs of the beloved person above anything else. I admire her courage for being willing to resign her commission and I admire her strength. She's been through a lot in her life and is still a most remarkable woman. Sir, I love her."

With those being his final words to his CO he turned away from Chegwidden and looked directly into Loren's sky-blue orbs, glowing with emotion from his speech.

"I love you." he told her, his voice husky with emotion.

Her eyes lit up even more, in a way he'd never seen them before. Acting on instinct, Harm drew closer to Loren, forgetting all about rules and protocol. He'd stopped caring that the Admiral was in the room too and the only thing of importance to him was Loren. Without thinking Harm leaned down and took her lips in an emotion-filled kiss. On their own, Loren's arms slid around Harm's neck as he circled her waist with his. Clinging to each other they both dove deeper into the kiss. When they finally pulled apart, an eternity later, Loren was blushing furiously while Harm took a step back to get a handle on himself. They only now remembered who they were and where they were.

Turning to their CO they were faced with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Sir..." Harm started to apologize, but was interrupted by the Admiral.

"When I sent you two home on Friday I would never have guessed anything like this happening today. Yet, I should have known anything can happen when Rabb is involved. Now, I would suggest the two of you take a seat and we discuss your future."

--------------------------

When they left their CO's office two hours later their life had been changed for good.

One of them would request a transfer, maybe to the Pentagon, while the other would remain at JAG. The Admiral had pointed out that he had once been really lucky to have been able to keep Bud and Harriet Roberts at JAG, but it could never happen again. He gave them until the end of the day to decide who would request this transfer.

"Lunch?" Harm asked as they walked through the bullpen.

He knew they should talk in private, but both of them going to lunch together would start the gossip too. He was already imagining what the staff would say: 'Commander Rabb is going out with the Ice Queen', 'She must have bewitched him', 'She's probably blackmailing him',...

Loren nodded. She enjoyed spending time with Harm. When she was with him, she could drop all pretence since he knew the real Loren Singer and loved her. He was her very own Prince Charming. Maybe only for a short time, but she would always cherish this time. Still, a part of her was hoping her dream would never end.

Yes, right now, since Friday, her life was more like a dream.

A dream come true.


	25. Chapter 25

**Epilogue – Three years later**

Three years had gone by since Harm had admitted his love for Loren in the Admiral's office. Three years since the kiss, two years since she had become Misses Harmon Rabb, Junior and 16 months since she had given birth to the first Baby Rabb by the name Tristan Peter Rabb.

Her life was a dream come true.

"What's on your mind?"

Two strong arms wrapped themselves around her middle from behind and she could feel his breath against her neck.

"I was just thinking how wonderful my life turned out." Loren admitted.

"And it keeps getting better." Harm said as his hands settled on her swollen belly where Lilah and Aaden Rabb were growing.

Yes, life was wonderful for the Rabb family. Who would have guessed an online friendship would survive in real life? Who would have guessed that two friends could become lovers? No one.

But in the end the people who really deserved it got their happily-ever-after.

What had happened to their colleagues? What did they think of all this?

That's the story for another day.

**THE END**


End file.
